 | Ten minute comedy. |
| Contemporary commentary. |
| Easy to produce. |
CAST
Announcer a voice that sounds like an over enthusiastic radio announcer selling used cars.
Server is a fresh high school graduate, eager to sell.
Man about 40, tends to be obsessive, compulsive over image and things.
Woman in her late 30s, has some modicum of balance but not much sense.
Oldest Boy a 16 year old philosopher.
Youngest Boy is not quite a teenager.
ØØØ
All the characters have their private material cravings that at times conflict with one another.
The setting is one of many warehouse stores devoted to ice cream production and injection into American neighborhoods on a vast scale. In the far reaches of the complex, cows might even be housed. But all we see is the distribution end which is far too big for the number of customers served.
A counter stretches Down Center Stage. The front is painted as an American flag. A “Now Serving” sign hangs behind and there is a bench Down Left. The rest of the stage is black.
An excerpt from
I Scream, You Scream!
by Roger Iverson
Copyright © 2005
MAN
Give Me What I Want!
SERVER
Of course, Sir… You’ll be an idol for your consumption. …Your phone number please, Sir?
MAN
What?
SERVER
I need to have your phone number to plug you in the system.
MAN
No one’s plugging me anywhere!
WOMAN
You need our phone number so we can buy an ice cream cone?
SERVER
More than an ice cream cone. It’s the Bottomless Bucket Cone!
WOMAN
I don’t think so…
YOUNGEST BOY
Mom!
SERVER
It’s so we can better serve you.
MAN
Honey, it’s so they can better serve me.
WOMAN
But what about privacy? …I mean we’re just getting ice cream here! Not buying a house! …Does no one else think this is a little strange?
(All the men roll their eyes at one another. )
MAN
…759-0786.
SERVER
Thank you, Sir. I’ll just plug you… While we’re waiting, I’d like to take this moment to say how much I admire your tenacity, Sir …Oh, here it is. What do we have here?… Oh, I see you shop at Safeway. And Radio Shack… Ah, you paid too much for that… Boy, your Internet account is…
MAN
Just get the ice cream, Son.
SERVER
Let’s just browse you’re browser… Wow, you’re on the Internet a lot!… OH MY GOSH, Sir!
MAN
What? What does that thing say?
SERVER
(Chuckling to himself,)
Nothing. Nothing at all… (Laughing uncontrollably now) Are you sure all you want from me is ice cream, Sir?!
MAN
What are you talking… Let me look at that thing!
WOMAN
You told me you quit doing it on the Internet!
MAN
I did! I swear I gave it up!
WOMAN
Aren’t I enough for you?
MAN
Of course you’re enough! You’re more than enough!
WOMAN
You mean I’m FAT, don’t you!
MAN
NO!
OLDEST BOY
How humiliating, Dad.
YOUNGEST BOY
What’s Dad doing on the Internet?
WOMAN
I’m sick to my stomach. Come, children. We’ll wait in the truck.
YOUNGEST BOY
But I want ICE CREAM!
WOMAN
OH, right. …Can we get those cones to-go?
SERVER
We have to-go Bottomless Bucket Bibs. But is your car big enough?
MAN
Everything’s going to be just fine. I drive a Ford Expedition! Here’s my American Express Platinum, Double Gold, Lithium Crystal, Credit Card! …You do admire me, don’t you? You said you did…
SERVER
Sir. Everyone admires a man who knows no limits.
The play continues...
Pricing
| Description | Price | S&H |
|---|---|---|
| 1 Actor Book | 3.00 | 3.00 |
| 13 Actor Books | 30.00 | 12.00 |
| Stage Manager Binder | 12.00 | 6.00 |
| Royalties | Call | -- |
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